by David E. Moss

I was present at the birth of all four of my children. What an awesome experience to see your own child gasp his first breath, whimper his first cry, feel his first touch. Then — what an awesome responsibility dawns upon you when this untaught, totally dependent creature comes into your hands… to mold, to teach, to lead, to guide, to train.

Astronauts train for months and for years. Space is simulated for them in many ways to get them accustomed to the sensations they will experience once they are in space for real. But none of that training can compare to the reality of being catapulted hundreds of miles above the earth. And once you are in space, you cannot stop the space ship, get out and walk home. You are there and you have to do your job. Likewise, prospective parents may read books, take classes, and watch others rear their children, but once their own baby is in their hands, they are thrust into a reality from which they cannot escape — they can only succeed or fail! So, what is a parent to do?

Know Your Objective

1. A newborn child is the essence of innocence.

   Children are born as sinners.

   Psalm 51:5 – Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.

   But newborn children are incapable of making value judgments. Both good and evil exist in their lives but they cannot discern the difference. Isaiah 7:16 says, For before the child shall know to refuse the evil, and choose the good… And Deuteronomy 1:39 says, Moreover your little ones… which in that day had no knowledge between good and evil… Both of these statements in Scripture support this contention. Even though children inherit the sin nature in conception, as it is stated in Psalm 51:5, there is still a period of time in their youngest days on earth in which they have no more awareness of the difference between good and evil than they have of the difference between their right and their left hand (Jonah 4:11).

   It is thus implied that there is supposed to come a point in a child’s growth and development in which he becomes aware of the difference between good and evil and is then accountable for the choices he makes. A person who is old enough to have achieved this measure of development but who does not, may then be described as childish and immature.

2. The objective, therefore, of every life is to reach some point of maturity when the elements of childhood are laid aside.

   1 Corinthians 13:11 states this very clearly:

   When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

3. It is the responsibility of the parents to lead a child from his beginning point of innocense to that desired point of maturity.

   Proverbs 22:6 says a parent is supposed to train up a child in the way he should go. This idea of “training up” is similar to the concept of training a horse. In training a horse you must break its wildness and then condition it to responsibility. When young children cannot discern the difference between good and evil, they will indulge indiscriminately in both good and evil and they will act out evil things without the restraint of a consciousness of guilt. Parents must program a child’s conscience by consistent discipline and they must direct a child’s thoughts so as to develop an understanding of what is morally acceptable and what is not. Telling a child “no” with an accompanying consequence is a necessary exercise from the earliest age so that a child may learn as quickly as possible where the lines of distinction between good and evil exist.

4. The rod of correction is the ultimate tool against foolishness.

   Proverbs 22:15 says that foolishness is bound in the heart of a child… Romans 1:21-22 tells us that when a person’s foolish heart is darkened, he will profess himself to be wise and sink even deeper into foolishness. So, a child must be rescued from foolishness, as the second half of Proverbs 22:15 says, by the rod of correction which will drive foolishness far from his heart.

   Proverbs 13:24 teaches that a parent who truly loves his child will chasten him with the rod, for only the parent that hates his son spares the rod. Proverbs 23:13 says that a parent should not withhold correction from the child, because proper spanking will not destroy the child’s life. Rather, according to Proverbs 32:14 a proper spanking may be the very thing that will direct a child’s heart to the Gospel and deliver his soul from hell.

   Proverbs 10:13 tells us that the rod is for them that are void of understanding, which implies that other means have been applied first in an attempt to build understanding in the life. But these other means have failed to be convincing. So the rod must follow reproof to reinforce the lesson being taught. Proverbs 29:15 says that the combination of the rod and reproof will provide wisdom to a child. Either the rod or reproof without the other will be an insufficient means to give a proper perspective of wisdom to a child. Neglect in giving proper instruction and discipline together will result in a child acting in such a shameful manner as to bring great embarrassment even to the woman who bare him into this world.

5. This negative education should be accompanied by the positive instruction of being brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).

   This “bringing up” means to feed properly and promote health. “Yes” should be as much associated with good in a child’s life as “no” is associated with evil. The combination of yes/good and no/evil is the imperative of the proper development of a child’s conscience and his ultimately reaching the objective of moral muturity.

   [Please note that parents should not be discouraged when their children constantly fail to do good and consistently do evil, even after their consciences have been programmed to understand the difference. As children become more aware of the difference between good and evil and yet still do evil, either by choice, or by mere weakness of the flesh, this becomes the vehicle by which parents can teach the concept of the Gospel and help their children understand why Jesus Christ died on the cross. Without a properly programmed conscience, children will do the same wrong things, but without the sensation of guilt. Children who do not feel guilty about the evil they do will be very difficult to win to Christ.]

   The mother-father combination is invaluable to the process of teaching children the difference between good and evil. The book of Proverbs refers to the father as the one who begat the child and the mother as the one who bare the child (Proverbs 23:22-25). Both the instruction of the father and the law of the mother are necessary in fully programing a child’s conscience (Proverbs 1:8; 4:1-3; 6:20).

6. Every parent should set this goal for their input into their children’s lives, that when they are of age, they will be able to speak for themselves regarding their own encounter with Jesus Christ.

   In John chapter 9, Jesus healed the man that was born blind. The Pharisees in their disbelief questioned the man’s parents as to the truthfulness of this healing. The man’s parent’s replied in verses 20 and 21, We know that this is our son, and that he was born blind: But by what means he now seeth, we know not; or who hath opened his eyes, we know not: he is of age; ask him: he shall speak for himself.

   It is the imperative of every life, that they be brought to a personal encounter with Jesus Christ. When the conscience of a child convinces him of sin, he must then understand that the only relief from guilt comes through a personal faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and the application of His saving grace to his life. Each person must be assured of this in his own heart and be able to bare his own testimony regarding his spiritual status before God. Children will never experience any relief from guilt through their parents’ sanctification. It must be personal.

Know Your Curriculum

1. Parents must select the curriculum they will teach their children.

   If parents want to teach their children so that they will be able to recognize the difference between good and evil, understand the choices they make, and be able to speak for themselves regarding their own encounter with Jesus Christ, they must carefully select the curriculum they will use in the teaching process. Parents’ influence on their children can have far reaching consequences:

   Deuteronomy 5:9 — …for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me, Likewise, parents’ influence on their children can produce far reaching blessings:

   Proverbs 20:7 — The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.

   It is imperative that children be taught the truth. Only the truth will lead a child to understand his own sinful condition. Only the truth will lead a child to understand the grace of God by which a person can be delivered from evil through faith in Jesus Christ. Only the truth can ultimately lead a child to the necessary resources in Christ which will give a person the capacity to choose the good and refuse the evil.

2. The curriculum must not just be taught, but believed and lived by the parents.

   Deuteronomy 6:6 says to parents, And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart. My high school physics teacher was only one chapter ahead of us students in his preparation for class. It was difficult to learn a subject from a person who had so little understanding of it himself. If parents do not know God, they wi ll be hard pressed to teach their children the standards of God which are necessary to distinguish between good and evil.

   Consider the consequences of parents not knowing God. According to Hosea 4:1, where there is no knowledge of God there is also no truth. According to Isaiah 59:12-15, when truth is fallen in the street a serious moral tragedy exists in society. According to 2 Timothy 3:4 and 7, when men are not able to come to the knowledge of the truth, they will love the pleasures of this world more than they will love God. Consequently, for children who have parents who do not know God, it is much more difficult for them to come to an understanding of the difference between good and evil, and to come to an understanding of the Gospel of Jesus Christ which alone can deliver them from the evil they have not been able to refuse. Only the truth will set these children free (John 8:32); and it will be much easier for children to find the truth if their parents live the truth before them every day.

3. Children must be exposed to the truth constantly and consistently.

   Too many families categorize their “religion” in neat little packages called “devotions” or “family worship” and live the rest of their time in a mere secular existence. Do not misunderstand. Devotions are a wonderful thing. The problem is not in having devotions; the problem is in not incorporating devotional thoughts into every aspect of life. Deuteronomy 6:6-9 portrays the concept of a teaching lifestyle, in which parents help their children see truth in everything.

   Verse 6 says, And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart. “These words” refer specifically to the ten commandments outlined in Deuteronomy 5:7-21. But the principle applies to the whole body of truth which consists of the entire Bible.

   Verse 7 says, And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children… It also says, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

   Verse 9 says, And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and upon thy gates.

   The point is as follows:

   • When you rise in the morning

     teach your children to acknowledge that God is the LORD and that he will lead them through the day.

   • When you walk by the way

     (or while you drive the car, or when you deal with store clerks, etc.) teach your children to love their neighbor and to respond righteously to the frustrations of life.

   • When you are sitting in your house

     teach your children to understand life by reviewing the day and offering scriptural applications to the events that have occurred.

   • When you lie down at night

     teach your children to be thankful and prayerful, and thoughtful, meditating upon the Word of God.

   Based on 2 Timothy 3:14-17, a child must be able to continue in the things which he has learned and has been assured of, knowing of whom he has learned them. He must from his earliest childhood consciousness be taught the Holy Scriptures which alone are able to make him wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. He must be exposed to the inspired Word of God which will perpetually be profitable in his life for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, bringing him to a perfection or completion of maturity in which he will be thoroughly furnished or prepared unto all good works. This worked for Timothy because the same thing first existed in the lives of his mother and grandmother (2 Timothy 1:5) and they successfully passed it on to him, not by a brief religious exercise confined to 15 or 30 minutes a day, but by lives that reflected and taught these truths every moment of every day in every context of life.

Be Specific In Teaching Values And Ethics

1. Teaching the distinct roles of men and women is an important starting point for establishing a biblical foundation for godly homes.

   In the beginning, God created man and made them both male and female. If the family is to continue to exist as God intended it to, then boys must learn what it means to fulfill the divine concept of manhood and girls must learn what it means to fulfill the divine concept of womanhood. This requires two properly functioning parents for the learning process to be successful. From fathers, boys learn how to properly act as a man, how to properly treat a wife, and how to properly be a father to children. Girls learn from their fathers what a man really is supposed to be like, how they ought to be treated by a man, and what to look for in a man who will be the father of her children. From mothers, girls learn how to properly act as a woman, how to properly treat a husband, and how to properly be a mother to children. Boys learn from their mothers what a woman really is supposed to be like, how they ought to be treated by a woman, and what to look for in a woman who will be the mother of their children. Thus, a properly functioning home provide children with a model which they can use to shape their own homes when they become adults. When a child’s home life is dysfunctional according to the divine model established in creation, it becomes much more difficult for him to establish his own home according to biblical standards.

2. Young girls are to be taught the values of womanhood.

   Titus 2:4-5 suggests the lessons mature women should be teaching adolescent girls as they grow up in the truth.

   • To be sober:

     teach them to think seriously about life

   • To love their husbands:

     teach them to focus on their husband’s needs

   • To love their children:

     and on their children’s needs

   • To be discreet:

     teach them to guard their reputation

   • To be chaste:

     teach them to be morally pure

   • To be keepers at home:

     teach them to focus on their duties at home

   • To be good:

     teach them to do things of value

   • To be obedient to their own husbands:

     teach them to respect their husband first of all

3. Young boys are to be taught the values of manhood.

   Titus 2:6-7 suggests the lessons mature men should be teaching adolescent boys as they grow up in the truth.

   • To be soberminded:

     teach them to think seriously about life

   • To be a pattern of good works:

     teach them to be confident and responsible

   • In doctrine shewing uncorruptness:

     teach them to be wise and have conviction about what they believe

   • Gravity:

     teach them to have good manners

   • Sincerity:

     teach them to be trustworthy

   • Sound speech that cannot be condemned:

     teach them to be respectable in what they say

Conclusion

Jesus said in Matthew 7:11 that parents know how to give good gifts to their children. Indeed, we human parents are usually pretty good at giving our children things, fun, and extra curricular opportunities in abundance. But the period of a person’s life in which he is a youth is so short compared to the amount of time he is likely to spend as an adult. In light of this, parents should make a special effort to give their children much greater gifts such as wisdom, the knowledge of God, a sense of accountability to God, an understanding of the Gospel of salvation through faith in Jesus Christ, and a sense of loyalty to the truth.

Parents should view themselves to be the primary disciplers of their own children. Jesus told his disciples to go ye therefore and teach all nations… teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you… (Matthew 28:19-20). We understand this to be a commission to missionary endeavors worldwide. But those who are concerned for the spiritual welfare of people around the world ought to be
concerned enough to begin with their own children.

God said his desire is to give his people an heart to know me, that I am the LORD… (Jeremiah 24:7). It is the duty of us who are parents to cooperate with this divine objective by cultivating our children’s hearts to be receptive to God’s will for their lives. No greater joy can come to a parent’s heart than to find of their children that they are walking in truth (2 John 4; 3 John 4). So teach them to sanctify the Lord God in their hearts (1 Peter 3:15), and to buy the truth, and sell it not (Proverbs 23:23).