Tag Archives: marriage

Defining the Family

Literature, , , , , , , , , ,

by David E. Moss

A Riddle

Long before Adam, one there lived
And liveth still it is believed;
Whose name reversed herein you’ll see.
Look close and find out who this may be.

Context is so important when defining words and concepts. For example, consider the word “bank.” What do you think the word “bank” means as it is used in the following sentence?

“The man put the money in the bank.”

You probably are thinking of a building which houses a financial institution whose business is to keep your money safe, pay you interest, or loan it to someone else. However, if we expand the above sentence and broaden the context, the sense of the word “bank” changes.

“The man put the money in the bank by the river, as the police chased him after the robbery.”

Now you see the man burying the money in the dirt of a river bank in an attempt to hide it. This is a much different image than the first smaller sentence suggested. The thing that made the difference was the context.

In another illustration, imagine a fly inside an airplane. Let’s say, for the sake of illustration, that a fly normally flies at a speed of 50 miles per hour. And let’s say that the airplane in which the fly is flying, is flying at a speed of 500 miles per hour. Since the fly is flying inside the airplane and in the same direction as the airplane, how fast is the fly really flying? For some, the answer would depend upon the context. To the passengers inside the airplane, the fly would appear to be flying at a speed of 50 miles per hour. However, if someone on the ground watching the airplane go by could also see the fly flying inside the airplane, the fly would be seen as flying faster than the airplane at a speed of 550 miles per hour. In fact, the fly inside the airplane is flying at a speed of 550 miles per hour. Those inside the airplane would not perceive this because of their close context. Only those on the ground would be able to see this because they can see the larger context.

Context makes a big difference in understanding.

So, what is the family? Context will also influence how we define the family. If we look only at our human circumstances, it would be similar to being inside the airplane and being limited in our context. The result will be a definition of the family that may appear to be accurate, but does not actually fit with reality. This is what is happening in our world today. The family is being redefined by those who are inside the airplane (in this case – the world system) as any group of people (perhaps even including animals) which live together and love each other. But if we can step back and view the family from the bigger picture, i.e. the larger context seen only from a divine vantage point, what do we find?

The Divine Commission to the Home

  1. The General Commission to Humanity

    When God created man, He gave mankind a commission. And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth (Genesis 1:26). “Let them have dominion!” God planted man on the earth with the intention that man would exercise dominion in all the earth just as God exercised dominion in all the heavens. In doing so, man would reflect the image of God and bring glory to Him.

    God said more about this in Psalm 8. There in verse 1, He makes reference to His own glory: O LORD our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens. Then in verses 4 and 5, He refers to the glory of man: What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour. Then in verses 6-8, in explaining what this crown of glory and honor involved, He said, Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all things under his feet: All sheep and oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field; The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatsoever passeth through the paths of the seas. In other words, the crown of glory consisted of having dominion.

    However, according to Hebrews 2:6-10, man does not now have that crown of glory. After quoting the verses noted above from Psalm 8, He says in Hebrews 2:8, But now we see not yet all things put under him. This is because in man’s fall into sin, he lost that crown of glory when he abdicated to Satan, submitting to the will of the Devil rather than the will of God.

    The wonderful part of the story as it is related in Hebrews 2, is that Jesus Christ, the eternal Son of God, was also made a little lower than the angels and crowned with glory and honor so that He could taste death for every man. In doing so, it was His objective to bring many sons to glory (Hebrews 2:10). In other words, in salvation man would be restored to the original commission given to him in creation.

    Therefore, man’s commission is to exercise dominion on the earth and thus reflect the glory of God. Everything that man does, must then fit into the context of that commission. This includes the functions of men and women as individuals and their functions together in social unions.

  2. The Commission to the Man and to the Woman

    God intended a distinction between man and woman from the very beginning. Jesus Himself verified this when He said, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female (Matthew 19:4). He also ordained an order of headship. God is the head of Christ, Christ is the head of man, and man is the head of woman (1 Corinthians 11:3).

    The woman is placed last in this order, but still is given an important commission. It was noted soon after man was created that something was seriously lacking in Adam’s life. So God made woman to be a help meet for him. The word used for “help” in Genesis 2:18 which describes woman’s commission, is also used in other places of Scripture. For example, it is used in Psalm 121:1-2 where we are told that our help comes from the Lord. So this “help” function to which woman was assigned is exactly the same “help” function for which God Himself is known. This makes the “help” commission for woman a significant matter. In fact, woman was made for this role precisely because man needed help. It was not good for him to be alone because he could not function effectively alone. He needed help. So woman was made and granted this significant commission. It is easy to think of the importance of man’s role of head over the wife and family as a reflection of God’s headship over all persons, angelic or human. But we must also understand that helping is just as much a divine function as is being head. Therefore, woman’s commission is no less significant than man’s.

    In fact, please note that in the general commission to mankind, men and women are given a partnership in exercising dominion. In Genesis 1:27-28 the Bible says, So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. The “them” to whom God said “Be fruitful…and have dominion,” included the male and female, both of whom God created in His own image, commissioning them together.

    Thus it takes both head and help to give a complete picture of who God is. God is head over all, but He also is One who helps all over whom He is head. A man alone cannot reflect the fullness of God’s glory. A man and woman together are required to reflect the fulness of God’s glory.

  3. The Commission for Marriage

    With the above context, the divine commission for marriage can be understood more precisely. This commission is for one man and one woman brought together in one union. Genesis 2:24 expresses it thus: Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. The word “cleave” means cling to, stick, to, or be joined together. A man and a woman are glued together in marriage so that they are not two, but one entity. It is in this union that they will be best equipped to fulfill the divine commission for mankind. In fact, 1 Corinthians 11:11 affirms that one without the other is less than one whole: Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord. The two shall be one flesh. Just as you cannot have a coin with one side, you cannot have a marriage union without the two components that complete each other in the commission to reflect the glory of God — a man and a woman — a head and a help.

    In this relationship there is ordained a companionship that reflects this partnership. As God said in Genesis 2:18 that it is not good that the man should be alone, [because (shall we say) he desperately needs help], so He said in Malachi 2:14 that the wife is the companion of the husband. This word companion is a very interesting term to be applied to the relationship between husband and wife. The root word of “companion” was used in Exodus 26:3-6 in reference to the manner in which the curtains of the Tabernacle were put together. When it says in Exodus that the curtains were to be “coupled” together, the word “coupled” is the root word to “companion” in the Malachi passage. Furthermore, it says in Exodus 26:6 that the purpose of coupling the curtains together was so that together they would make “one Tabernacle.” This is the sense in which a man and a woman become companions in marriage. They are coupled together so that they lose their separate identities and together become one identity in their marriage. This is why Genesis 2:24 says they become one flesh. This is a composite one as the LORD is one LORD in Deuteronomy 6:4 consisting of three persons, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. So a marriage is one flesh, consisting of two persons, husband and wife.

    Marriage is the vehicle through which God intended that man and woman as a single unit together would in their respective roles partner in exercising dominion over the earth. Man would rule and woman would help. Together they were to reproduce and multiply — not only more human beings — but more men and women who could partner together, thereby extending the ability of humanity to exercise dominion and fully reflect the glory of the sovereign God.

Divine Principles for the Home

In light of this, God has outlined some principles for the home which are intended to facilitate fulfillment of this commission.

  1. Marriage is honorable.

    Hebrews 13:4a says, Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled… The word honor in the Bible refers to something of high value. Marriage has been assigned a value by God. It is honorable. That means it has the highest possible value in the eyes of God.

    The honor of marriage is based on God’s original idea. Jesus was asked about marriage and its durability in Matthew 19. In verse 8, Jesus said that broken marriages resulted from the hardness of man’s heart; and then He affirmed that God’s original intent for marriage was the foundational principle that should govern man’s understanding of what is right. He said, but from the beginning it was not so.

    In other words, marriage is supposed to be on the gold standard. For example, when paper money was first issued, gold was the standard that determined the value of the paper dollars. That means each dollar of paper money represented an actual deposit of gold in the bank equal to the value noted on the paper dollar bill. As our economy declined, our government reduced the value of each paper dollar to an equivalency of silver, and thus issued the silver certificates. Now, there is no promise of gold or silver deposits for the paper money we use to buy things. Take a paper dollar to a bank and you can exchange it for other paper dollars, or coins that are made of inferior materials. But if you want gold, you must pay about 500 of those paper dollars to get just one ounce. That makes our paper money worth very little.

    Our society has in the same way taken marriage off of the gold standard. Likewise, God’s original intent for marriage was the gold standard — on man as head and one woman as helper, together reflecting the fulness of God’s glory. But marriage has been devalued by no fault divorce, by the affirming of alternative relationships, and by the redefining of the family to include something other than the marriage of one man and one woman in a one flesh union. Just as we wish our money would get back to the gold standard, we ought to once again honor the divine gold standard for marriage and the home.

  2. Marriage is binding for life.

    In spite of what is being popularly taught in our modern era, the Bible is emphatic about God’s intention for marriage to be permanent as long as both husband and wife are alive on earth. In Romans 7:1-4, God makes a point about the believer’s relationship with Christ. He illustrates this with some particulars about the marriage relationship and in doing so affirms the principle of permanency for marriage.

    Before salvation, man is bound to the law (verse 1). However, through the work of Christ, we are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another (verse 4). He says in these statements that to be bound to Christ, we must first die to the law. We cannot be bound to both at the same time and death is required to sever our relationship with the law in order that we may be “married” to Christ. Christ’s death secured this needed death for us because when we are placed into Christ at the time of our salvation, we are also placed into His death (Romans 6:3-4).

    To illustrate this spiritual truth, He uses some particulars regarding marriage. He says, For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband (verse 2). Furthermore, if the married woman does not wait until her husband is dead before she marries another, she shall be called an adulteress (verse 3). He stresses this to give emphasis to the truth about being dead to the law in order to be married to Christ. But in the process, He relates an important truth about the binding nature of marriage until the death of one spouse. Just as the binding nature of marriage can only be broken by the death of one spouse so that the surviving spouse can be married to another, so we must be dead to the law in order to be married to Christ. We could say the reverse is also true. Just as we must be dead to the law in order to be married to Christ, so the binding nature of marriage can only be broken by the death of one spouse. When we do not maintain this order and we follow worldly ways instead, we dishonor the sanctity of marriage and we destroy the spiritual lesson about a believer’s relationship with Christ.

    This is not complicated, especially for those who have come to faith in Christ and to understanding of truth through the teaching of the Holy Spirit. Jesus said, from the beginning it was not so (Matthew 19:8). If God set up permanency to marriage in the beginning, then we ought to graciously accept His original intent. In fact, adhering to the original intent is crucial to the successful fulfillment of the divine commission.

  3. Marriage Requires Commitment

    In the context where the marriage relationship is called a companionship (note above), the violation of that companionship is called treason. Malachi 2:14 says, Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. To act treacherously is to deceive and betray. The wife is coupled with the husband so that they are one flesh, just as the curtains were coupled together to make one Tabernacle. The husband and wife are bound by an unconditional covenant, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. It is the duty of each to remain committed to each other and the vows they have pledged together. Otherwise, what message is sent to those who observe, particularly the young folks of the next generation, regarding the divine commission of reflecting the image and glory of God? Since it takes both head and help to reflect that glory in completeness, to breach the relationship is to send an unholy message regarding the glory of God.

  4. Parents are to be Honored.

    God’s statutory law indicates some high priorities for man. The fifth commandment says, Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee (Exodus 20:12). Ephesians 6:2 in the New Testament repeats this commandment and specifies that this is the first commandment with promise. The promise is that it may be well with thee (Ephesians 6:3). How will it be well with children if they honor their parents? Boys will learn from their fathers how to be a man and how to treat a woman properly. Girls will learn from their mothers how to be a woman and how to treat a man properly. Both will learn from their parents the important elements of a marriage relationship — head and help — without which they will be helpless to fulfill the divine commission.

    As children honor their parents, they will learn that honor goes upward. Unfortunately, in our present society, honor is going downward. Children are being honored by their parents instead of the other way around. Lifestyles, priorities, schedules, values, and many other things are being determined in today’s families by the interests and demands of the children. But honor in the Bible is to go up, not down. Adults are to honor God and glorify Him. He is not the child of human adults, He is their head. If a child is to learn how to honor God, he must learn through the honoring of his parents that honor goes upward, so that extending that honor to God will be a natural process. If children are conditioned to think they are the center of the universe by parents who honor downward, children will presume upon God and expect that God too will simply give them whatever they want. This is why honoring parents is such a crucial principle to be instilled in children as early as possible. It will be a crucial element in shaping a child’s concept of God.

  5. Children are to be Brought up in the Nurture and Admonition of the Lord

    Ephesians 6:4 says, And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. It is imperative that children learn how their lives fit into the context of the divine commission. Too much secularism prevails in our Christian homes today. Faith and devotion to God are relegated to extra curricular activity. If the family feels it does not have enough time together, they tend to stay home from church services to make up that time rather than deny themselves secular recreation. From this kind of lifestyle, children only see things from inside the airplane (note illustration above), rather than seeing the big picture from the ground. Parents must help their children get out of the airplane and see that the fly is flying at a speed of 550 miles per hour, that there is a divine perspective to things and their duty is to have their feet firmly planted on the ground where they can fulfill the divine commission.

  6. Consideration is to be Given as to One’s Influence Upon future Generations.

    God said He would visit the iniquity of one generation to the third or fourth generation to follow, but He would visit mercy unto thousands of generations (Exodus 20:5-6). Which heritage would you rather leave behind— a heritage of iniquity that will adversely affect your children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and possibly even your great-great-grandchildren —or a heritage of mercy that could have an endless effect upon those who follow you? Proverbs 13:22 says, A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children’s children… What do you want that inheritance to be for your grandchildren? Psalm 103:17 says, But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children’s children. Righteousness is a good thing to pass on to future generations. And if you do so, Proverbs 17:6 says, Children’s children are the crown of old men… It will be greatly rewarding if we can just teach our children.

Comic Strip - Going to Church

We must step outside the airplane. We must look up and see the big picture to understand the divine context which should define our lives, our marriages, our homes. Only in doing so will we come to appreciate the true nature and purpose of marriage and the family, of the church and the Christian life, and of the divine commission given to mankind. So, let’s get back to the gold standard. Firmly plant your feet on the ground and keep looking up!

The Greatest Family Value is the Family Itself

Literature, , , , , , , , , ,

by David E. Moss

We probably all learned in school that the scientific name for man is “homo sapiens.” We were also taught “homo sapiens” are part of the classification called mammals. In fact (so they say), while man’s species name is “homo sapiens” man is part of

  • the genus Homo
  • the family Hominidae
  • the order Primate
  • the class Mammalia
  • the kingdom Animalia.

In other words, the label “homo sapiens” is the evolutionist’s classification of man as a species of animal.

In recent years, the designation of man as an animal has been used to justify immoral behavior as the mere expression of natural animal instincts. Sexual activity outside of marriage is not only socially acceptable now, but it is even expected — so much so that contraceptive devices are distributed to teenagers through public school systems. The immoral life styles of famous people are celebrated as role models for the general public. Such gibberish has contributed to the destruction of the family unit. The family unit is now being redefined to include homosexual “couples” and other groupings of people besides a husband and a wife and their children.

The Bible presents an entirely different picture. According to Scripture, man is not an animal, but a separate class of creatures, elevated above the animals and with the responsibility to exercise dominion over them. The family unit comes from a divine moral precept which is absolute and unchanging. With all the talk about family values, it is important that Christians be reminded that God intends His definition of the family to be the foundation of our human family values.

  1. Human Ethics Differ from Animal Ethics

    1. Note the distinction God made at the time of creation.

      In Genesis 1:21-25, God ordered that each animal bring forth after his kind.

      And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good. And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth. And the evening and the morning were the fifth day. And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so. And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

      This tells us that all species (kinds) of animals are defined in creation. The reproductive process for them works only within the species. A dog and a cat cannot mate and bring forth a cog or a dat. There are different breeds of dogs and cats, but dogs will always beget dogs and cats will always beget cats.

      Man, on the other hand, is never said to bring forth after his “kind.” This is because man is not an animal “kind.” He is a totally different type of creature. Man was made in the “likeness” of God (Genesis 1:26). And so when man reproduces, rather than bringing forth after his “kind,” he brings forth after his “likeness.” Consider Genesis 5:1and 3:

      This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him;…And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, after his image; and called his name Seth:

      The word “likeness” is very different from the word “kind.” The Bible word “kind” refers to a species or a group of living organisms belonging in the same created “kind” having descended from the same ancestral gene pool.1 The Bible word “likeness” means similitude, like as, in the likeness of.2 It is used in 2 Chronicles 4:3 where it refers to the likeness of an ox on the bottom of the laver made by Solomon for the new Temple. Imagine a father and son looking upon the new laver and the father says, “Look, son, there is an ox on the bottom of the laver.” When the son sees the image, he understands that it is not a real ox, but something that looks like a real ox. When God made man in his likeness, man was intended to be a creature that reflected the person of God. This is what tells us that man is not governed by animalistic instincts, but by a nature patterned after the nature of God. So when a man begets a child, the child is not God. So when a man begets a child, the child is not simply a reproduction of a physical being, but possesses a nature similar to his or her parent, which is supposed to be similar to the nature of God.

      God further indicated the distinction between man and beasts in the manner in which man was given consciousness. All the animals are merely made and set in motion in the creative process. But only man is said to have the breath of life breathed into him by which he became a living soul (Genesis 2:7). As a soul man thinks and reasons, feels emotion, and makes rational choices; and in these capacities he functions as a moral being with a conscience. Animals are never said to be guilty or held accountable for their actions, but man is.

    2. Note the distinction in nature.

      In 1 Corinthians 15:39, we are told that all flesh is not the same flesh.

      All flesh is not the same flesh: but there is one kind of flesh of men, another flesh of beasts, another of fishes, and another of birds.

      This is offered as an illustration of the difference between the physical natures of man before and after the resurrection. Just as there is a distinction between the flesh of men and the various kinds of beasts, so there will be a great difference in the physical nature of man before and after the resurrection. Reversing the illustration, we are given a clear statement here of how much different even the flesh of man is from that of the various kinds of animals.3 Just as there is a great difference between the physical natures of man before and after the resurrection, as the difference between that which is mortal and immortal, and between that which corruptible and incorruptible, so there is a great difference between the nature of man and beasts.

      In Genesis 1:28 and 3:16, man is told be fruitful and multiply, just as the animals are said to do in Genesis 1:22. But while animals bring forth after their kind, man brings forth children after his likeness in a moral context.

  2. God Consistently Endorses the Family

    1. He ordained the family in the beginning.

      Consider God’s original intent for the family unit. He said it was to consist of one man and one woman in a one flesh relationship, bringing forth children.

      Genesis 2:24 — Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

      Genesis 3:16 — Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

      Consider also, that according to Jesus, original intent matters regarding marriage and the family unit.

      Matthew 19:4-5 — And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

    2. All family values taught in the Bible include a father, a mother, and children.

      In the New Testament, contexts which give instructions for the family include all the members of a family as God originally intended. Colossians chapter three is one such context where verse 18 is addressed to the wife, verse 19 is addressed to the husband, verse 20 is addressed to children and verse 21 is addressed to fathers.

      This same thing can be observed in the Old Testament as well. For example in Proverbs chapter 23, verse 22 mentions both father and mother, verse 24 mentions father and child, and verse 25 once again mentions father and mother.

    3. God used the family context to bring His own Son into the world.

      The biblical record of God’s Son coming to earth is found in Matthew chapter one and Luke chapter two. Jesus could have come to earth in many different ways, but God chose to have Him be born in a family unit, with a human mother bringing her infant son into this world, and a human adoptive father. This endorsement of the family unit could not be stronger.

    4. God uses the family relationship of father and son to describe a saved person’s relationship with Him.

      John 1:12 says that God gives power (authority) to those who receive Christ to become sons of God. Galatians 4:5-6 says that we were redeemed so that we might receive the adoption of sons. And because ye are sons, it says, there are benefits like the indwelling Holy Spirit. The point to note here is that without the family unit intact as God originally intended it, this concept of being a son, or child of God the Father, will be totally lost in the thinking of human beings.

    5. God laments any distortion of this order.

      God made the family unit the way He wanted it, and He does not want it changed in any way. In Leviticus chapter 18, with great specificity God defines who qualifies to establish a family and who does not. This is illustrated in 1 Corinthians 5:1ff where a violation of Leviticus 18:8 is identified as being tolerated in the church. The church at Corinth is rebuked for this and commanded to deny fellowship to this illegitimate “couple.” In Romans 1:26-27, God declares that some relationships contradict the natural order! Contrary to those who describe immoral behavior as only doing that which comes naturally, God says immoral activity is against nature and a departure from the natural use.

      Consider how you would feel if someone entered your home while you were away, and rearranged things in your house. You would feel violated. Someone has invaded your home and violated your privilege to have things the way you want them. This is how God feels when human beings mess with the family unit. God made the family. He arranged it the way He wanted it. It is a violation of divine privilege for man to alter the family unit in any way whatsoever.

  3. God Extends His Blessing Through the Family

    The family unit has come from God. And if it is God’s creation, then He obviously has a purpose for the family.

    1. The family itself is a reward.

      God declares that having children is as much a blessing as it is to find fruit on healthy plants.

      Psalm 128:3 — Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.

    2. The first commandment with promise is in the context of the family.

      Both in the Old Testament and in the New Testament, the fifth commandment, Honour thy father and thy mother, is accompanied by a promise. In Exodus 20:12, the promise is that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. In Ephesians 6:2-3, the promise is that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. This means that the promise which accompanies this family commandment is effective for everyone who obeys it.

    3. The family is the context of our spiritual heritage.

      God explained to the generation of Israel which was about to enter the promised land that He had chosen them because he loved their fathers (Deuteronomy 4:31-37). This principle of spiritual heritage being handed down through the family structure is taught in the substance of the ten commandments. In Exodus 20:5-6, God said that His mercy is extended through thousands of generations. This is evidenced by an unbreakable chain of a believing remnant throughout the course of human history. The unfortunate corresponding truth is that spiritual consequences can also be handed down through the family structure. For in the same passage, God says that the iniquity of a man can be evidenced through the third and fourth generation.

  4. It Is Through the Family that We Promote God and His Values

    1. This is true in all aspects of family life.

      It is the duty of parents to know God. Deuteronomy 6:5-6 say,

      And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart.

      Then in verse 7 it says that parents are to communicate these things to their children.

      And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

      From this verse we must see that it is not enough to have a brief devotional time at home with the family. For a long time now, Christian parents have been told that they must have family devotions, or a family worship time. While there is nothing wrong with this advice, it has been misapplied in too many homes over the last 30 or 40 years. Somehow, the message has come across that a family will be okay spiritually as long as they have a little box called family devotions. Dutifully, families have spent 10, 15, 20 or 30 minutes together several times each week (on rare occasions on a daily basis) reading the Bible and praying together. Then satisfied that they have fulfilled their “obligation,” the rest of the family’s week outside of church is spent in purely secular contexts, without the mention of God or biblical principle.

      Deuteronomy chapter six tells us that we as parents must be communicating the reality of God and His principles in every context of our lives. The devotional life of the family is to be in the house when you are sitting together, outside of the house when you are traveling on the road, in the evening when you are preparing for bed, and in the morning when you are arising from a night’s sleep. We must pass on to our children everything we understand about God, and how to apply His principles in every aspect of daily living. Otherwise, important concepts about God and His nature, and His expectations of us will be lost.

      This is precisely what happened early on in the nation of Israel. In Judges 2:10 it says,

      And also all that generation were gathered unto their fathers: and there arose another generation after them, which knew not the LORD, nor yet the works which he had done for Israel.

      If parents were loving God with all their heart and teaching their children as they were supposed to, how could a generation arise that knew not the LORD, nor yet the works which he had done?

      In the New Testament, the duty is the same. Ephesians 6:4 says,

      And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

      Do you see what are identified as opposites here? Either you bring up your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (in the spirit of Deuteronomy 6) or you provoke them to wrath. The word “nurture” refers to the whole education of a person including every aspect of life’s experience, just as in Deuteronomy 6:7. The word “admonition” refers to the process of nurturing. It is do be done in an assertive, confrontational manner which teaches truth, reproves and corrects error, and instructs in righteousness.

      Consider your own family situation. What percentage of your family life is secular and what percentage is God focused? The answer to this simple question may be very telling.

    2. This is practiced as an example of commitment and loyalty.

      Joshua challenged the people of Israel to make some choices. He said in Joshua 24:14-15,

      Now therefore fear the LORD, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the LORD. And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

      The choices we make will have a great bearing on the choices our children make. If they are to recognize God in their lives, they must see the evidence of Him in ours. Why did the next generation after this not know the LORD and not have any knowledge of his works? It was because there was a breakdown in communication from one generation to the next and somewhere in the process, they stopped hearing the Word of God (Judges 2:20), and lost the concept of faith (Romans 10:17).

Conclusion

What is at stake? What do we lose as human beings if the family unit does not exist in the form which God originally gave it? There are two primary things at stake. One is a basic understanding of the likeness of God, and the other is an understanding of the nature of the
relationship a believer has with God.

There was a girl in the touring choir of the college I attended many years ago, who had spent her entire life in the city. She had never been to a farm and had never seen a cow in real life. On one of our first trips with the choir, we passed a field where cows were grazing. She screamed, “A cow!” She was so excited to see a cow in real life for the first time. But wait! How did she know it was a cow if she had never seen one before? She was able to recognize he cow because she had seen likenesses of cows in picture books. The same is true with our children regarding their ability to recognize God. They will know God in their own lives, if they have seen a likeness of Him in the lives of their parents. God made man in His own likeness, but due to the fall of man, that likeness can be camouflaged by the sin that corrupts us. We beget children in our own likeness, but if we do not love God and seek Him, the likeness our children will reflect will be seriously flawed. Parents must be in a right standing with God and live their lives as a reflection of Him so that their children will be able to know the God who made them and to whom they are accountable.

Equally important is the relationship between parent and child. If the relationship between parents and children is flawed, children will have a difficult time understanding the concept of being born-again and becoming a spiritual child of God the Father. A young woman of my acquaintance some years ago did not want to be born again because she did not want to enter into a relationship with God the Father. Her earthly father had painted for her an ugly picture of fatherhood by being abusive and mean and hurtful. She assumed that all fathers were the same, including God the Father. I do not know if she ever came to Christ.

Any distortion of the family unit as God ordered it in the beginning will create a crisis in the human mind and heart. God ordered the family as a teaching tool for some very important divine concepts. This is why the family itself is the primary family value and must be preserved as God intended it.

  1. Online Bible, Strong’s Concordance definition for “kind,” Hebrew word #04327.
  2. Online Bible, Strong’s Concordance definition for “likeness,” Hebrew word #01823.
  3. This also clearly refutes the supposition of evolutionists that sea, air, and land animals descended from each other. The flesh of each of these is clearly different and distinct.

God’s Intention for Virginity and Marriage

Literature, , , , , ,
And the Related Issues of Divorce and Remarriage

by David E. Moss

Notice: Please read this article in its entirety in one sitting. This is necessary to appreciate the full context of each part. Please do not read only part of this article.

This decision to marry is the most significant and most intimate decision a human being has to make as an earthly creature. Thereupon, a man and a woman enter a relationship in which everything is shared, whether emotional, mental, spiritual — or physical. Since human beings possess some very private treasures (such as thought dreams, desires of the heart, spiritual beliefs and a physical body), it is normal, in society, to withhold those things from public view and to share some of them only with the dearest of friends. It is also normal to reserve one’s most intimate treasures for the person with whom a marriage trust is entered.

Some choose never to enter this sacred pact. All their lives they may live in chaste virginity and use their full energy to glorify God, or pursue personal interests. God grants this privilege to a few choice servants upon whom He bestows the gift of celibacy.

The rest, who are driven by the human passions that draw men and women together, seek a mate with whom to share all of oneself. It is a decision that irreversibly alters a person’s life; for once made, the individual will never be able to return to the state of virginity.

Marriage, thus, is a sacred institution. It is ordained by God. It is defined by divine words. And, it is governed by moral principles which man has no right to alter. As such, its value is immeasurable and it must be preserved in exactly the form in which it was given to the human race.

A large segment of humanity dismisses virginity and marriage as archaic and indulges in unrestricted licentious activity without regard to any code of morality. Such persons breeze in and out of marriage “contracts,” participate in impersonal sexual activities, and casually cross the lines of perversion as though they were meaningless forms of entertainment.

The world’s disorientation from the truth, however, is no basis for a child of God to rethink Biblical concepts. Unfortunately, this is happening in contemporary Christianity. With great skill, worldly people are able to make Christians of strong conviction sound unloving and even hateful. Many believers, failing to recognize the Devil’s game, would rather compromise their understanding of truth than appear antagonistic.

As this happens over a period of time, the restraining force of morality gradually disintegrates and society at large becomes increasingly more bold in its defiance of God’s intention for human relationships. Immoral and perverted forms of behavior assume the appearance of normalcy. They never are normal in terms of reality, but a corrupt society, in which right and wrong are fused together in a moral neutralism, has no means to perceive things from a divine viewpoint when God’s ambassadors surrender the standard.

For this reason, truth must be preached in every possible forum lest the same process inhibit the discernment powers of Christians. Redundancy is irrelevant because it would be better to have the message penetrate hearts through repetition than to speak insufficiently and lose all sense of divine morality in the minds of the next generation.

Young people must be taught that God intends for them to save virginity until marriage and to have a single marriage for life. To dangle alternatives before people in their formative years goes far beyond the risk of losing the sacredness of virginity and marriage. It teaches youth that God’s standards are relative and may be adjusted when they are not compatible with human experience. It dilutes the integrity of all absolute standards of righteousness and suggests that we do what God wants until it does not work and then we may change course and fend for ourselves.

Herein lies the expediency of the words that follow. Read on with a willingness to believe that God’s words are absolutely correct and that to uphold them is our sacred duty.

  • Virginity: A Divine Treasure

    God is emphatic concerning the sacredness of virginity. He declares it to be chaste (clean and pure) and insists that if given away, it be offered only to the person with whom one is joined in marriage (II Corinthians 11:2, Leviticus 21:13). Otherwise it is to be preserved intact.

    To underscore this sacredness, God ordered severe consequences for violating virginity. He said it is good for a man not to touch a woman outside of marriage. To do so is fornication – a sinful and morally unacceptable act (I Corinthians 7:1-2; Proverbs 7). In Jewish Law (which reflects God’s values), a man caught stealing a woman’s virginity was required to marry her or pay a full dowry if her father forbad the marriage (Exodus 22:16-17). A promiscuous girl could be stoned to death if she was not a virgin at the time of her marriage (Deuteronomy 22:20-21).

    Maintaining one’s virginity throughout a life time is an immense task and must not be tried without the ability to shun all sexual interest. This ability is a divine gift. Without it, a person must marry (Matthew 19:11-12; I Corinthians 7:1-2). With it, a person is free to expend all of his energy caring for the things that belong to the Lord (I Corinthians 7:32).

  • Marriage: As God Intended It To Be

    For those who do not have the resources to remain celibate for a life time, Jesus very precisely stated God’s intention for marriage.

    Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:4-6

    Marriage is to consist of one man and one woman joined together in one relationship. Once they have experienced total intimacy of heart, soul and body, all the personal and private things of each are commonly shared and the two become one. This is to be a permanent relationship severed only by the physical death of one of the persons involved (Romans 7:2-3; I Corinthians 7:39).

    So special is this consummation of two human beings that God uses it to illustrate the precious relationship between His Son and the Church (Ephesians 5:23-27). This is an indivisible union in which Christ takes the Church to himself as His bride. Christians who marry have the wonderful opportunity to portray to the world around them the unconditional love and imperishable commitment a believer enjoys with the Saviour. No greater achievement could be enjoyed in this world than to be a faithful husband or wife in a lifelong marriage.

  • Violations: Tampering With What God Intended

    It is extremely dangerous for man to tamper with what God intends. Jesus said that God is the one who puts two people together in a marriage relationship and man has no business dismantling what God has assembled (Matthew 19:6) or distorting what God has created (Matthew 19:9). As with virginity, God underscores the sacredness of marriage by establishing consequences for violating this covenantal trust. There are two ways that marriage can be violated.

    1. By Entering “Marriages” That Are Not Real Marriages

      One violation of the Divine intention for marriage is a form of fornication in which two people enter a relationship God says can never be a real marriage in His eyes. To define what He means, He outlined numerous relationships which fit this description. This list eliminates the union of two people who enjoy certain close family ties and the union of two people of the same sex (Leviticus 18). It is possible for people in these categories to enter a relationship which man calls “marriage”, even though God has labeled it fornication (e.g. I Corinthians 5:1 with Leviticus 18:8). However, man’s label does not overrule God’s label. God is so set against such unacceptable unions that they comprise the only situations in which He sanctions a “marriage” relationship to be severed (Matthew 19:9).

      [Please note in Matthew 19:9, Jesus says “except for fornication,” not “except for adultery.” This will be further explained below.]

    2. By the Violation of Real Marriages

      The other means of violating the sacredness of the marriage trust is to commit adultery. This is the term God uses to describe any act by which a married person involves himself sexually with someone other than the partner in his original marriage covenant including both unfaithfulness and remarriage. Remarriage though is treated less severely than unfaithfulness apparently because God has chosen to be merciful in cases where people at least attempt to follow legal procedures, even though these legal procedures are man made (Leviticus 20:10; Matthew 5:28; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18). God is so adamant about this matter that He included a ban on adultery as one of the Ten Statutory Laws (Commandments) for mankind (Exodus 20).

      The point of adultery is that you can give your virginity only to one person. To offer your private treasures to a second person, even in a relationship which God otherwise recognizes as a real marriage, is an adulterous act in violation of the original marriage covenant (Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18). In His choice of words. Jesus said that God would recognize the severance of a marriage pact only in the case of fornication (a relationship which God says can never be a real marriage anyway). He did not say “except for adultery,” even though a popular interpretation of Christ’s words insists that He did. In fact, He said if a marriage was severed for any reason other than fornication, an unbiblical union, remarriage would be an adulterous act, the violation of a Biblical union (Matthew 19:9). The disciples were so astounded at this narrow exception clause that they declared it would be better never to get married than to be so confined to a single relationship (Matthew 19:10). Jesus cautioned them, however, that celibacy should never be tried by those to whom the gift had not been given (Matthew 19:11-12).

  • Consequences and Forgiveness

    Fornication and adultery are common to society and have been for a very long time. There are two forms of fornication: sexual activity outside of marriage and participation in a relationship which God says can never be a real marriage. There are two ways to commit adultery: by committing a sexual act or fantasy which violates a marriage covenant while the relationship is intact (including bigamy) and by entering into a second marriage relationship after divorce.

    Unfortunately, fornication and adultery are also becoming common to the Christian community. How is the Church to deal with its members who participate in such things?

    1. Concerning Both Forms of Fornication

      God has given some very definite procedures to follow when a person is found guilty of fornication. He is to be immediately separated from the fellowship of the Congregation and instructed concerning the seriousness of his sin. The purpose of these actions is to protect the sanctity of the group and to recover the wayward person from his spiritual crisis (I Corinthians 5; II Corinthians 2; II Corinthians 12:21; Ephesians 5:3-5). Fornication is a very serious matter which God condemns extensively throughout scripture.

    2. Concerning the Violation of an Intact Marriage Relationship

      The Old Testament Law prescribed the severest of punishments for those who committed sexual acts with a person other than their marriage partner. The sentence was the death penalty (Leviticus 20:10, John 8:3-5). In the New Testament, Israel lacked the authority to enforce the death penalty without the approval of the Roman Government. This was not, however, an excuse to substitute divorce for death. By decreeing the death penalty, God was decreeing that He did not want adulterers running loose in society. Nor did He want the victims of adultery to remarry without a divinely approved termination of the original marriage.

      The Pharisees tested Christ on the subject by bringing a woman to Him who had been caught in the very act of adultery. In His famous reply, Jesus may have indicated by His writing on the ground that this woman was set up and the group of men were guilty of conspiracy, making them as guilty as she, or more so. This would explain their inability to cast stones upon one whom they had entrapped. Jesus let the woman go, but did not minimize the seriousness of adultery because he exhorted her never to do such a thing again to which we hoped she readily agreed (John 8:6-11).

    3. Concerning Divorce and Remarriage

      This is a most delicate matter. Many people, unbelievers and believers alike, enter into a second marriage without a working knowledge of Biblical teaching on the matter. Secular Law has made divorce very easy and the man-made contrivance of a bill of divorcement has always been for the purpose of freeing a person from one marriage to make them eligible for another.

      It sounds harsh and cruel to say that remarriage is an adulterous act because there are so many well meaning people who have entered second marriages with much better spouses than their first one was. Yet, this is the way God Himself describes it and short of changing the Word of God, we cannot get around it (Mark 10:11; Luke 16:18).

      The popular trend is to be conciliatory by means of a generous interpretation of Christ’s exception clause in Matthew 19:9. The suggestion is that an act of fornication by one person in a legitimate marriage releases the other member of the marriage to find a new relationship. This argument is nullified, however, by the observation that Christ did not say “except for adultery” but He did say “except for fornication.” Every violation of a legitimate marriage is called adultery, not fornication. If sexual unfaithfulness to a legitimate marriage partner is what Christ meant, He would have said, “except it be for adultery.” Fornication, on the other hand consists of only two things, either a sexual act outside the context of marriage or an unbiblical union. The distinction between fornication and adultery has a very specific bearing on the meaning of what Christ said. Christ was teaching that God only sanctions the termination of unreal marriages. He never recognizes the termination of real marriages (Matthew 19:19:6,9) except by the death of one of the partners, either natural or by penalty for sin (Romans 7, Leviticus 20:10).

      Divorce is a man-made device, and it only works in the eyes of mankind. God does not recognize divorce as a termination of a marriage covenant; instead He hates divorce and repudiates it (Malachi 2:16).

      Divorce occurs because of the hardness of man’s heart (Matthew 19:8). Before the Jewish Law was instituted, man had already made the exercise a habit. So, God specified some regulations to minimize the harm done to women by unreasonable men, not to encourage divorce as an acceptable behaviour (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). In the New Testament, God instructed divorced persons to remain unmarried or be reconciled to each other (I Corinthians 7:11). Believers, He said, are not bound to contend a separation from an unbelieving spouse because peace facilitates a witness better than strife (I Corinthians 7:15-16). Once the departed spouse is saved, reconciliation will be easier. Remarriage to a different person, however, closes the door to reconciliation for ever; not an option suggested by God.

      [I Corinthians 7:27-28 is a context which addresses the activity of virgins and refers to engaged couples. Espousal in Biblical days was binding and required a Bill of Divorcement to terminate. Since the marriage was never consummated, the persons involved were still virgins after the divorce takes effect. Divorced virgins that marry do not sin because they are still virgins. It, therefore, cannot be used as a Scriptural approval of divorce and remarriage.]

      Indeed, those who are already divorced and remarried should not be branded with a scarlet letter. If they understand what God has said about the matter, if they have dealt with it in their own hearts before Him, and if they remain committed to uphold God’s ideals for marriage in their current relationship, there is no reason why their status should even be an issue in their fellowship and service within the Body of Christ. There is only a very narrow exception in cases where God has regulated the qualifications for certain offices.

      The consequence of remarriage is of a lesser degree than other forms of adultery. Instead of a punishment inflicted, it consists of a qualification removed. In the Old Testament, divorced women were ineligible as wives for priests. If a Levite were to marry such a woman he would be disqualified from serving (Leviticus 21:7). In the New Testament, men are disqualified from being either an Elder or Deacon if they marry while a former spouse is still living (giving him two wives in God’s eyes even though men may consider him to have only one). Also women are disqualified from being a widow indeed if she had married while a former spouse was still living (I Timothy 5:9).

      The delicacy of the matter is in assuring the comfortableness of forgiven Christians while at the same time upholding the standards that God has decreed. The welfare of the Christian community requires that we be able to have a rational discussion on such a sensitive subject without projecting personal criticism from one side or sensing personal offense on the other side. At some point in the discussion, it is essential for persons from every side to put away the biases of their personal experience and honestly address the statements of Scripture concerning virginity, marriage and related matters — and to do so on the basis of what God has actually said, not on the basis of what we want Him to have said.

    4. Forgiveness and Service

      Total forgiveness may be experienced by anyone who has committed either fornication or adultery. In the Corinthian Church of Biblical times, there were some who had committed fornication and others who were guilty of adultery. All of them, who had received Christ as their Saviour, had been washed clean of their sin, sanctified from their guilt and justified before God (I Corinthians 6:9-11).

      The only distinction is that forgiveness, while it restores fellowship, cannot restore qualification (Ezekiel 44:10-14). Anyone who is forgiven for any sin, regardless of its nature, may enjoy all of the fellowship of the Body of Christ and participate in its activities and service. But where God has specifically designated certain regulations for areas of service, such as Elders and Deacons, each person has only one opportunity in a life time to qualify. Regardless of which regulation has been violated, disqualification is permanent. Where God has not specified regulations for other areas of service, forgiven Christians may participate in a variety of Christian service activities, demonstrating how the grace of God has fully restored the individual to the fellowship of the Body of Christ.

      This is difficult for some wonderful Christian men because they have been disqualified from serving the highest offices in the Church before they even knew about the regulations. In gestures of generosity, many churches are setting aside these qualifications and letting men serve in spite of them. The gravity of such a move is that out of fairness, all other qualifications must also be set aside, creating a situation in which a church may be forced to accept ungodly and irresponsible men as its leaders. Or else, if other qualifications are not set aside, the church offends a segment of the Congregation because of its unfair, selective policies. Real fairness to the Body of Christ is to maintain all of the qualifications, even if this makes the number of potential leaders quite small and even if it means a particular man qualifies in every regard except one. Among all Christians, it is expedient that Elders and Deacons fulfill the mandate of the Old Testament Priests in demonstrating the difference between what is holy and what is unholy (Leviticus 10:10). This is not designed to offend men who just miss qualifying by one point. It is designed to show that God means what He says without exception.

Conclusion

Do we want our children to move closer to the things God desires for them or to move further away? Shall we set before them a set of ideals for which to strive? Or will we surrender to the hardness of man’s heart (for the sake of being humanly “realistic”) and teach our children a set of alternatives because they undoubtedly will need them?

Marriage is the most beautiful gift God ever made for human relationships. Virginity is the most precious possession He issued to human individuals. When He created them, God had a particular thing in mind for each. It is reasonable to want God’s original intention for these things to be the basis of the convictions we hand down to the next generation of the Body of Christ.

In a time when preacher after preacher is giving in and performing wedding ceremonies for people who have a former spouse still living, I refuse to do so. It is not because I do not love these people and do not want them to experience the blessings of a fruitful relationship. It is because I do not want to suggest to other people who are watching that marriage is a disposable item in God’s eyes. For those who are already divorced and remarried, we should express great compassion toward them and confirm our love to them so they may grow in Christ from this point forward. But for those who are considering divorcing their spouse, we must warn of its dangers and assist them in salvaging what God Himself joined together.

This is the most difficult article I will probably ever write in my life time because it addresses the most personal issues of life and because I know many people who read it will be personally affected by its content. If you have taken any of these words personally and they offend you, I apologize, for this is not my intent. I welcome the opportunity to discuss the Biblical issues with you, if we can do it without regard to your personal experience. On the other hand, I cannot apologize for what I believe to be the plain words of Scripture. I invite you to read this article once again with an open Bible and an open heart and see for yourself if I have accurately represented God’s intention for virginity and marriage.